either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
