listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
