btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Where is the hickey?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
