"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
