so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
