I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
