Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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