Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
