I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Randomize
