Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
