as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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