He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
