The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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