i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
