I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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