we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
