the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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