apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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