She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
