i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
