I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have already put on my inside pants.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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