Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
