Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize