party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He better not be in your backpack
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
