I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
