i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
