You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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