That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
