Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
