Do you still have your period?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
