I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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