I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
