I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
