What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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