Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
