i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
