So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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