I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
