this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
