The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
What drink are we having for lunch?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize