So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
