Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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