I love black thongs
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
