We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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