Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
