youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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