Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
