if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
