It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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