hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
