Too much gin, very little bucket
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
