new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
