no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
