Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
