that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize