Already got asked if we're dating
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
