smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
