Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
