well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
