Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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