i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
