apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
