I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
