just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
