So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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