I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
