dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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