Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
