I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
