she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize