I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
