And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
