I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
