im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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